I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago at age 37, & the more I learn about AuDHD, the more I think I’m on the spectrum too (rigid w/ rules, literal, social overload & isolation, etc.).
Figuring this stuff out as an adult is a trip. Growing up—& even in college—I never understood why mean popular people thought I was weird. But now I’m pretty sure mean popular people are 100% neurotypical, & I just never learned to mask well enough for them.
It makes me sad that I cared so much what they thought, but it’s also a relief to understand that I wasn’t “doing anything wrong.” I was always just me, for better or worse. And the people who wanted to be friends with me (which was a fair amount, actually) were real ones, for the most part.
At my 20-year reunion, I was talking to one of those girls who was my friend in middle school but was too cool for me by high school. I asked what her passion in life is besides her kids, and she looked at me like an ear had suddenly sprouted out of my forehead. It made me sad for her. But that’s the weird paradox of neurotypical vs. neurodivergent: maybe she’s really happy with her life that seems pretty one-dimensional to me.
It actually makes me thankful I never succeeded seeming cool to those people, which is not something I could have said honestly even five years ago. I know I’d be miserable living the lives they have. It’s not easy being neurodivergent, but at least it’s interesting. I'll take it.
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