I’m starting to think Mother Nature gave women PMS to show us how sacred our anger is. It can’t be a coincidence that it’s connected to our ability to shed the old & create something new.
Because here’s the thing: There’s a big difference between “acting” like something is the hardest thing in the world & ADMITTING it is so that you can give yourself grace in the struggle (for “something,” see e.g. parenting respectfully, which for most of us requires some serious & painful cycle-breaking).
“Acting” implies an element of fakeness or exaggeration, so when ppl cast healthy emotional expression this way, it has a negative/shaming connotation. & I don’t know about y’all, but my PMS doesn’t usually make me mad about irrational things. It just makes it harder to contain the valid frustration I carry around most of the time anyway.
Ironically, society tends to reward “acting” in the other direction (esp. from women, BIPOC people, & the working class): Kudos for repressing difficult feelings & pretending things are great for the benefit of others (esp. people & systems who benefit from maintaining the status quo). It may look prettier & even feel easier in the short-term, but it’s not healthy at all (see e.g. all the studies on the connection between suppressed anger & autoimmune disease, as well as the much higher incidence of AD in women & particularly BIPOC women.)
The biggest paradox of all: Until we can own our rage/pain, harness it, & find (healthy, productive) ways to use/release it, we can’t expect anything to change for the better, either personally or collectively. It’s like that old Bear Hunt song: can’t go over it, can’t go under it, can’t go around it, we’ll have to go through it. It’s a super messy part of the journey of human evolution, & a lot of us don’t like getting messy. (Many of us are also intimately acquainted with the inherent danger involved & are rightfully afraid.)
But the hard truth is that if we don’t go through it, our only other choices are moving backwards or staying stuck. I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of watching this country move backwards, & I’m tired of being stuck.
***White ppl (esp. men): If your anger is WITH any of the groups previously mentioned, this post is not for you. Buh-bye!
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