It’s a terrifying thing to realize you’re the child of covert narcissists. That neither of your parents knows how to truly love another person, & that’s who raised you. That’s who you had to rely on for everything: not just your physical needs, but your understanding of reality & sense of self.
So what does that mean about you?
Most people love them bc they’re so good at hiding their darkness behind a mask of charm & fake empathy. Even I didn’t realize the full extent of the abuse until very recently, & I’m 40 f*cking years old. So I spent most of my life feeling slightly crazy & not understanding why.
Now I’m an orphan by choice, & the only people who understand are the ones who know them well enough to have seen behind their masks & the ones who have been in relationships w/covert narcissists themselves.
It’s lonely, but it’s also freeing. Once you really understand the depths to which they had their claws in you, how completely they deformed your perception of yourself, you can forgive yourself for all the other stupid sh*t you did as a result, like dating another covert narcissist in college, taking years to get over him once he decided he was done w/you, becoming a teacher (/nurse/social worker/insert-helping-profession-here), which is basically entering into a professional abusive relationship….
Looking back, you can actually be amazed with yourself for surviving it all, for healing enough to marry someone safe, for leaving your toxic career before it destroyed you, for protecting your children from their insidiousness.
They say life starts at 40; I think that has a special meaning for adult children of toxic parents. You’re finally able to remove yourself from their tug-of-war & be the parent you always needed, not just for your kids, but for yourself. For the sweet, tiny person who’s been hiding inside you for so long & can finally feel safe to peek back out into the sunshine.
I think it’s going to be a glorious spring.
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